Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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