Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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