peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
