My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
