I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
