Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
