I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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