Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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