Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
