I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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