I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
