I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
