Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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