god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
