This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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