i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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