Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
