He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
