They should really pass out barf bags in church
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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