We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just cropdusted the office
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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