I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
