it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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