just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
