have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
