sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
