I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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