So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
