You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
