You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
