Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
