I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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