I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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