She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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