So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got so high we made milksteak
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
