Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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