am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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