Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
