Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Found the puke drawer
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
