Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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