So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
