it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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