the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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