He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
