I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
