my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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