You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish you could order shots online.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
