I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
