Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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