I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
