On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
