We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
