he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
