He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
