The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
