I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
