I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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