if only i could text you this smell
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
