thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
