Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
