Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
