OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize