walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you never un-have a 4some
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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