I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
