So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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