Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
