I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
