i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
