you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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