The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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