Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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