This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
