"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
