Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
