does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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